I was just thinking the other day of how the moments of sadness from infertility come & become stronger & then sometimes fade for a moment or a day or a few days. There have been moments of such complete utter sadness in this journey. I have felt so sad that I feel like I can no longer take the sadness anymore. I have cried harder than I have ever cried before until my eyes can't cry anymore & I have felt my heart & whole body hurt with pan & sadness. The day that we found out our first IUI was such an incredibly hard day. I cried so much & just felt sick from not sleeping. My eyes were completely red & my contacts dried up from crying so much so my husband had to bring my glasses to my work so I could see enough to finish the day & drive home. That was such a long hard day & week. The 2nd IUI was sad, but I was a little more used to the sadness & N & I had the weekend to spend together. But finding out the 3rd IUI didn't work was another day that I know I will always remember. I remember driving home from work & crying so hard that it almost scared me. I had never heard myself cry so hard or loud before. I just felt like my heart couldn't take the pain anymore. I could barely drive, but I said a prayer, took a few deep breaths & was able to make it home. My husband asked me later that day about doing IVF & I told him I didn't think my heart could handle it. Yes, these have been some hard days & years. So much disappointment that it almost scares me to have hope. But I will always keep my hope & faith & trust in God. I know that though these years have been hard, we also had so much happiness & we have strengthened our faith & our marriage & we have learned lessons that we couldn't have learned any other way. Lessons that will help us when we become parents. We will not take parenthood for granted. I am thankful for my Heavenly Father & for the love & peace & comfort He has shown me. There have been times I felt alone but they have been followed by a sweet peace & comfort. I am reminded that when I am sad, I will not always feel this way.