12/13/2017 0 Comments QuicksandSometimes I feel like I am sinking in quicksand. Another month goes by & I'm not pregnant. I look at pictures on my friends' social media feeds & almost all of them have 2 or 3 kids or more. Or they are pregnant. It's hard not to compare & get down on myself. We had a meeting with a leader from our church yesterday & he was asking how we were doing. We had told him previously about our wish to be able to grow our family. He & his wife have adopted several kids from foster care & he told us that the birth mom of one of their children was having another child & was wanting to have them adopted. When I heard that I felt a moment where I thought how crazy/amazing that would be to have a baby, but then it was quickly filled with a feeling of anxiety & nervousness & not feeling right.
Nate & I talked about it after & we both still feel like we would like to try longer to be able to get pregnant. It is such a hard thing because who knows how long it will take or if I will ever get pregnant. But I know that things will work out in the way that they are supposed to. It is just hard because with couples that can get pregnant when they want to, they can just choose when to have children but for couples struggling with infertility it is so stressful & there are so many big decisions. Should we do fertility treatments? How far should we go? Should we do IUI? IVF? How many rounds should we do? How much money can we spend? How much money should we spend? What if we never get pregnant? Should we do adoption? Should we have foster children & hope to adopt? It is just so crazy & stressful & that is what we are in the midst of right now. Luckily, Nate & I feel on the same page about things. We are not against adoption & it would be something we would do if we both prayed & felt really good about it. Right now we have both been praying & thinking about things & feel like we should spend some more time trying to get pregnant. I know that it sounds selfish & that if we did adopt in the future, they would still be just as much our children, but I would love so much to be able to go through the experience of pregnancy & labor & to have children that were a part of Nate & I. So our plan is we try to get pregnant naturally for 2 more months (December & January). If that doesn't work, we meet back with our doctor & try just using Femara for 2 months. If that doesn't work then we will try IUI's. If those don't work, we will do IVF. I am hoping so bad that we can get pregnant naturally. It's just that we have already gone through so many years with all of these appointments, shots, tests, IUI's, & surgeries & it feels like almost a waste to just start them all over again. But we will have faith & continue to do what we feel is right. I have faith that it will all work out in the end & that it will be even better than we ever could have imagined.
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