I never knew what it would be like to want to have a child so badly but not be able to. To be going to countless doctor's appointments, paying thousands of dollars, getting shots in my stomach at home, & doing it all because I wanted a child so bad. I pictured graduating college, getting married, having a few years to travel, & then having 4-5 children. I didn't picture going through years of infertility, so many brokenhearted days, working at jobs year after year while wishing I could be a mom. I hear of people that can just choose what month they want to get pregnant & plan a specific vacation to get pregnant in a different country & it hurts so bad. I don't want others to have to struggle with infertility but I don't want it to be my struggle either. But it is part of my life & something that will make me stronger & a better mother when the time is right. I got an email back from my doctor's office today with the pricing & options for IVF & it just made me sad reading through & thinking of what if this doesn't work. What if all of this is for nothing. What if I can't get pregnant. I know that somehow N & I will be able to have children but it still hurts waiting & not knowing how exactly or when. I guess life just never goes how it's planned though & one day I will look back on this blog & these words & know that everything I have was worth the wait & that I needed this time to appreciate what I would have & learn & grow.