Sometimes I catch myself comparing my life to the life of others. I like to look at Instagram & lifestyle blogs but then at times I realize it isn't really making me happy to look at them. They are so fake & the pictures are so edited & posed & I think, who was taking all of these pictures & why couldn't you just enjoy time with your kids or husband without taking a million perfectly posed, pretending like you don't know someone is there with a camera or fake laughing, pictures & then I feel grateful for my life. I have a sweet husband & wonderful family & I like taking pictures sometimes to remind myself of memories, but I don't have to take pictures of everything & have every picture posed perfectly for more likes, & have to always look like I am having so much fun.
Then there are days like today when I would like nothing more that to be in Hawaii, laying on the sandy beach, surfing & playing in the salty water, eating thai food & waialua bakery cookies & mochi & watching the gorgeous sunset. The past years have been so incredibly stressful, heart wrenching, & I just feel so sad & wornout some days. Not every day, some days I feel happy & hopeful. I think I am just feeling especially stressed out right now with this being our last chance at IUI & having so much going on with work & other activities. I just wish so badly that N & I could go on a Hawaii vacation & be able to relax on the beach & have nothing to do other than beach time, surfing, & eating. If this IUI is successful, we have decided we will go on a trip to Hawaii with some of the money we have been saving up for IVF. If it is not successful, we will need to save the money & continue to save up everything for IVF. I hope our IUI is successful so much so that we can have a sweet little baby (or babies!!) & also thinking of being able to be in Hawaii would bring me to tears (of happiness) because I have been missing that place so badly lately. Right now one of my best friends, my aunt, uncle, & cousin are all there & were all posting pictures & it was just making me so sad. I think I just need to take a social media break for a while.
I know that I have so much to be grateful for & that I have a wonderful life. I am so thankful for my sweet husband that takes such good care of me. He has started cooking me dinner every Wednesday & it is my favorite. On Wednesdays, I go grocery shopping right after work & am usually exhausted. It is sooo nice to sit on the couch & relax while I watch him cook a delicious meal! Yesterday he grilled steak & sauteed red potatoes, onions, & carrots & roasted asparagus. It was sooo good!! I am also so thankful to live close by family. I love being able to see my mom & sisters so often, they are so fun to be around & so sweet! Tonight my mom is planning a Paris themed dinner for church so I'm going to go with her. It makes me so happy to be able to spend so much time with family. I'm thankful for prayer & for church. I'm thankful for a flexible job & a boss that is ok with me missing work/leaving early for so many doctor's appointments. I'm thankful we have been blessed financially to be able to pay for treatments. I'm thankful that I have a healthy body & that I can move around, run, & exercise. I'm thankful for beautiful sunrises & sunsets that I get to see daily. When I start thinking of the things I have instead of comparing myself to fake photos on social media, I am so much happier!