Last Tuesday, a week ago, I had the IUI procedure done. My husband & I stayed at a hotel nearby the treatment office & went to bed nervous but excited that we would have a chance of becoming pregnant. In the morning I was too nervous & anxious about everything going well so I couldn't eat any breakfast other than a little grapefruit. We went to the office to drop off the "specimen" & then shopped around a nearby mall to pass the next hour and a half. We got back to the doctor's office a little early & they called me in so they could do the procedure. It only took about 2 minutes & then they had me lie down & wait 10 minutes before getting up. Overall, it was much quicker & more simple than I had expected. We are both so hopeful & excited but also trying not to get too excited because we know we may need to repeat the procedure more times of even do IVF. Last week went by quickly because I had the week off from work & we had the days packed full of fun things. This week I am back at work & I have to say it has been going by sloooow. I am trying to keep busy. Sunday & yesterday I cooked dinner for family. I went to yoga with my little sister yesterday which was really nice & am going to go on Wednesday, Thursday, & Saturday as well. Today I am going to cook a mini Thanksgiving meal for my husband & I (mashed potatoes, stuffing, brussel sprouts, & cranberry sauce), & then we have cubscouts, which I still need to plan. Anyways, I'm trying to keep busy & not think too much about the fact that in 7 days I could take a pregnancy test & it could possibly be positive for once in my life. I feel very grateful that we were able to do the IUI procedure & that everything seemed to go as well as it could. I know that we are doing everything that we are supposed to & everything that we possibly can do now & the rest is up to God. I am trying to keep that perspective & stay relaxed about things (though if one more person tells me to "just relax" I will punch them... haha but really why does everyone say that like it is so simple?!!
My heart goes out to one of my friends from high schools days. She was pregnant & expecting a little girl & then just delivered her stillborn a week & a half before her due date. It breaks my heart to think of how excited they were & how devastating that must be. She had posted just a few days ago that they had a check up & the doctor said she should deliver right on her due date. They had no idea that anything was wrong. I am so incredibly sad for her & her husband & will be praying for them. After going through infertility the past few years, I know how it is to want a child so badly. But to think of actually being pregnant & setting up a nursery, having a baby shower, feeling your baby kick, & then right before your due date to have your baby die, it is just so incredibly sad. One thing I have learned from infertility is that Heavenly Father knows what is best for us & His timing is best. Though it's hard to accept sometimes, I have found peace & comfort in that.
Well, tomorrow we go in for the IUI procedure. I am so thankful that all of the shots for this round are done & that they went ok. We were in San Diego this past weekend to have an early Thanksgiving with family. We drove up from San Diego to LA in the morning & got to work prepping & cooking food. It was a wonderful dinner & I am grateful that I married into such a wonderful & loving family. After the best lemon pie & lots of visiting, we headed back to San Diego. It normally takes 2-2 1/2 hours to get back but we got stuck in LA traffic & it took 3 1/2 hours to get back!! I was stressing because we needed to do my shot at 9pm & we barely got there in time. Sunday we went to church & my parents met us there since they were visiting. After sacrament, they treated us to Con Pane (best sandwiches & cookies ever) & then we went to Sunset Cliffs to walk along the coast & take in the gorgeous views. I miss living by the ocean so much. I'm so grateful to be able to live close by family & would choose that over the beach but I do still miss the beach & surfing a lot! Luckily, we get to visit San Diego a lot & visit many tropical places! Our traveling has been put on hold for now though, since we are using & saving all of our money for fertility treatments. We have decided to spend about $150 to do a 3 day weekend in Mexico though in a few months. With all of the stress of infertility & the treatments, it is worth it to be able to have something to look forward to & some fun time to relax without worrying. It was so nice to have some time at the beach & to get to spend time with both of our parents this weekend!
We drove home & had a few hours to relax, watch a Christmas movie with our Christmas lights twinkling inside, & play with our wild, cute puppy. He is a mix of really hyper & licky & cuddly whenever we get back from a trip. We needed to do the trigger shot at 11:30pm & I was so nervous since it was the first time I have had that kind of shot. I just wasn't sure if it would hurt more or how it would be. It wasn't too bad, it did sting & take much longer than the other shots but it was ok. All of this will be so completely worth it if we are able to have a baby or babies!!!! :)
Tomorrow we go in for the procedure & then have the 2 week wait!!! I am going to try & keep really busy with family activities, going to yoga classes, & doing some projects so that the time will hopefully go by quickly! I have a good feeling about it though & have just felt so excited these past couple weeks knowing that we have a chance that we will be able to get pregnant & just knowing that we were pregnant during this Christmas season would be more joy than I can imagine!!!
Yesterday I was getting so nervous because I wasn't sure how the ultrasound would look & I think I was just feeling so anxious & nervous because the last time I had the 2nd ultrasound is also the time they did the HSG test & found out my fallopian tubes were blocked & it was just such a stressful & sad day. Anyways, yesterday afternoon & evening was the exact opposite. It feels so strange & wonderful to be hearing good news the past few visits after the past couple of years of sad news. Anyways, the nurse did the ultrasound & it showed that I have 3 follicles that are growing at a great rate. She said that everything looks perfect & that the amount & shot dosage I have been doing is good & to continue those shots.
The shots are Gonal F, 75 units, & I had them the 13th, 15th, 17th, and will do the last one on the 19th & then I will do the trigger shot on the 20th at 11:30 pm. I was thankful to know that we wouldn't need to be adding more shots, even though of course I would do them if needed. I am so scared of shots & so thankful that I have my husband & sisters to help give them to me. Even though I am still so scared of them, it has gotten to where I don't worry the entire day about the shot, just about the hour beforehand. Then after I am just so relieved that it is over & thankful that we have a chance of having a baby.
We will go on Tuesday, the 22nd at 10am & then at 11:30am to do the procedure. It was such great news to know that we have a good amount of follicles. It seemed perfect because I was so nervous that there would be none or that they would be too big or too small or that there would be a ton & then we would be worried about if it was dangerous.
Anyways, it was just such a relief that everything was looking so great. I felt a huge weight lifted of my shoulders. I was playing Christmas music on the drive back & two songs with Noel in them placed in a row. I was thinking, if we do get pregnant, we would find out in December (December 6th) & how sweet would it be if we had a girl to name them Lily Noel? Anyways, I don't want to get my hopes up too much but I am just feeling happy, excited, & hopeful about everything.
I called my husband when I was driving home from work & he had just gotten his first client for work! He has been really stressed about that, so it was great news for both of us!! We met at an Italian restaurant & had a happy celebratory dinner! What a great day!
This afternoon I go in to get an ultrasound to see how my follicles are looking & to see if it is time to do the HCG shot or if we need to wait longer. I am a mix of nervous & excited. More an excited nervous I guess because I am so excited to be able to actually have a chance of getting pregnant now that my tubes are unblocked. I don't want to get too excited though, in case something goes wrong & we aren't able to do this cycle. This happened last time when I came in for the 2nd ultrasound & then got the HSG test right after & found out we would need to do surgery.
Anyways, I feel happy & hopeful about this cycle. My little sister is going to be meeting with a doctor in the next month or two. She has been trying to get pregnant for a year & hasn't been able to. That makes 3 out of 4 of us so far that have had trouble getting pregnant. At least we have a great support system & really know what each other are going through. I keep thinking how awesome that would be if Brittany & I can both get pregnant within the next few months. Melis is due in a couple months & then if Britt & I both had babies too that would just be so amazing to all be in that same kind of stage & to have babies that would all grow up as best friends!
I really believe that this is all in God's plan for us & even though it is so hard sometimes, I know that it is what we need & will be so worth it in the end. I can already see many blessings that we have received by going through this trial. When we do get pregnant, our joy is going to be unlike any other joy & I get so excited just thinking about how amazing it will be to hear that I am pregnant & know that we will be having a baby!!
This video described perfectly what we are going through right now. I really want to focus on still finding the joys in life & not getting so sad & weighed down by this process. I like how it shows the struggle with both the husband & wife but how they let it bring them together. I do feel like through this process, Nate & I have grown closer together & been able to really be there for each other. I also love how the video doesn't end in a perfect happy ending, because sometimes that's just how life is.
It won't let me post the video on here for some reason, but here is the link:
Faith in the Middle Music Video- Hilary Weeks
Yesterday I had my first FSH shot at home for IUI. I was soooo nervous. We had stake conference & sat with Brittany & Matt. Then we went home & had a lazy afternoon, taking a nap, putting up our Christmas decorations, & making breadsticks to take for family dinner.
We went to Brittany & Matt's for dinner, the first family dinner at their new house! Matt made homeade ravioli & britt made homeade marinara sauce & peanut butter brownies. Mom, Dad, Cody, & the boys came too. Everything was soooo good, it felt like we were eating in a restaurant! My favorite thing about living near family is having Sunday dinners together. It is so fun to all visit together, talk, & play games. Everyone in our family is amazing at cooking so the dinner is always sooo good!
After dinner Britt & I played apples to apples with the boys & Britt & I got hardly any points because the boys all laughed so hard at weird cards while we thought ours were so funny, haha! Then Nate went to Brooke & Cody's to get a numbing cream that Brooke had gotten me. I put in on the area I would have the shot & then we waited for 45 mins for it to work & Britt & I talked to Melissa on the phone. If only Melissa & Ally could move to AZ to, that would be so awesome!
Then Britt did the shot & she did such a good job. Nate held my hand & talked to me to distract me, & then it was over! I had been so nervous for so long & it wasn't even bad!! I am so grateful to have such an amazing family. For Brooke to think of me & get me the cream & for Britt & Brooke to help give me the shots. & of course for Nate for always being there for me & helping me. & for Melissa for answering my many questions. & for my mom & dad & ally for always praying for me. & for my in-laws, always praying & thinking of us & putting our name on the temple roll. We are so blessed & have so many people watching out for us.
I have 2 more FSH shots in the next few days & then go in for an ultrasound on Thursday to see when I will need to do the trigger shot & the other FSH shots. I am nervous but also so excited thinking that we could get pregnant this month!!! That would be such an incredible, amazing miracle. We will continue to have faith & hope & trust in the Lord no matter what.
Well, the next 2 weeks we will be starting the process of IUI. I just started my period yesterday and called the Fertility Treatment Center. The nurses there are so nice & I feel so grateful that we found out about the FTC, it was just when we needed to & I know that was a blessing from God. I know that I am not pregnant yet, but I can already look back on many things during these past few years & see the Lord's hand. Though it has been hard wanting to have children but not being able to these past few years, I am thankful for the time that Nate & I have had together. I know that this experience has strengthened us. I'm thankful for the trips that we were able to take together & that we could enjoy those times without worrying about infertility & the timing of anything & the procedures to come.
Nowadays, I do spend a lot of time worrying & I try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to worry. I wish so badly that I wasn't so scared of shots & IV's & that I didn't feel so panicked & worry about it so much lately. I know that overcoming my fears & going through these procedures will be worth it in the end. One of my other fears is public speaking & on Sunday, we were encouraged to come up & bear our testimony if we felt prompted or if it had been a long time. I was sooo nervous but just felt like I needed to bear my testimony to show my love to the Savior. After a few prayers for courage, I went up there & was able to bear my testimony of my love for the Savior & my knowledge that we are given trials because the Lord knows we need them. That we grow closer to our Heavenly Father through trials & can always turn to Him for comfort & peace. Afterwards, I felt thankful that I was able to bear my testimony. I know that my Heavenly Father will help me to get through this procedure & whatever is to come. I have faith in Him & I trust His plan for me.
I will be going into the doctor's office tomorrow to have an ultrasound & to pick up the shots. One thing that really is a blessing is that when I called to see about starting the treatment, the nurse asked me if I wanted to do IUI with injections or without. I asked what was recommended by the doctor or her & she said that you always have a better chance with injections, but it does increase your chance of having multiples (especially twins). I have actually always though that I might have twins & Nate & I both agreed we would love that. I asked the cost of the injections since IUI is already going to cost $1,000 & she said they would be about $300 but she would check if they had a sample kit. She came back a minute later & said that she had a sample kit so they would be free if we chose that option. I felt like it was meant to be & such a blessing that we would be able to have a higher chance & not have to pay the extra $300. I am thankful for the Lord & for all He has blessed us with. I'm thankful to know that He is watching over us. I'm trying not to get too much hope up, but I do feel very hopeful & excited to think that we might possibly be pregnant within the next month. How amazing would that be?! When I do get pregnant, I am going to enjoy it as much as I can! I don't want to worry about complications, I just want to feel completely happy & thankful to the Lord.
It has been about a week & a half since I had surgery & I am still so grateful for the miracle of the surgery being successful. There are a few reasons it helps me to journal about our fertility process. It helps me to get my feelings down & can help me feel better & I also always want to remember parts of this process. I know that there have been so many hard days & nights but there have also been many blessings. We have had a lot of stress & sadness but we have also grown closer together & closer to the Lord. I know that going through the struggles these past few years is something that will make us better parents when we are able to have children. I know that we will appreciate them more & love them more than we ever could have imaged before. I also know that we have gained an understanding & will be able to help others who struggle with infertility. I know the things that people say that hurt & what helps & makes me feel better. I will always strive to be sensitive to others & the problems & struggles they may be facing even when you cannot see what they are going through. This is a talk that I really enjoyed & my favorite part was the quote below. I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father & for Jesus Christ & for knowing that they are always there for me, that they know what I am going through & that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have felt there love & peace & comfort throughout this entire process. Even when I get the saddest news, they are there to bring me peace & comfort through my tears.
Well, I wanted to start out November by a thankful post & I have so much to be thankful for right now. On Friday, October 28th, I went in for a surgery, a Hysteroscopy with a bilateral cannulation to try & unblock my fallopian tubes, to be exact. I was trying not to think to much about the surgery because I didn't want to get more nervous & didn't want to overthink the possibilities if the surgery did or did not work. I also didn't really even research anything about the surgery for that same reason. We had so many family members & friends praying for us & putting our names on prayer rolls at the temple. We were hopeful that, if it was in the Lord's will & was the best thing for our family, that the surgery would be successful.
My sister, Brooke, took me in since Nate had to work. We got to the surgical center & I was so nervous to get an IV. I hate needles so much, they are my worst fear. I can't even type the word needle without cringing & feeling panicked.. Anyways, it was so nice to have Brooke there with me. She even let me squeeze her hand really hard & talked to me to distract me & then it was over! They had put it in while I was sitting in this recliner thing & I kept thinking, how will they carry me into the correct room when I am passed out, then I realized that the IV was in, but they wouldn't put the anesthesia medicine in until I was in the surgery room, haha, blonde moment!!! They brought me to the room where I would be having surgery & put a heated blanket on me, took of my glasses, & I remember feeling warm & comforted. I know that this was my Heavenly Father helping me to feel calm & peaceful because I had prayed for that exact thing. I started saying a prayer for the doctors & nurses & that everything would be okay & fell asleep in the middle of the prayers, as they started the anesthesia. The next thing I remember is groggily half waking up & someone telling me that the surgery had worked & they were able to unblock both tubes for the next 8 months!
It was such a miracle that the surgery worked & that BOTH tubes were able to be cleared. I was & am so incredibly happy!! Brooke came in & I remember crying & not being able to stop the tears because I was so happy. Then we headed home & that hour drive home is some of the most pain I have been in but it was completely worth it & I would take that pain as long as needed to be able to get pregnant! I felt like I was going to throw up & also the most painful cramping I've ever felt. Once I got home & could lay in bed, I started feeling a lot better. Nate was home, he decided to work from home the rest of the day so that he could be there if I needed anything. We were both so incredibly happy & thankful that the surgery worked. We are so excited thinking that I may be able to get pregnant in the next few months!!! If the surgery had not worked, our only option would have been IVF & that is so expensive. We have been saving up for a year, but would need to save up until at least March to be able to have the money for that. It is just so wonderful to know that we won't have to wait that long to be able to have a chance of getting pregnant! Our next step is to do IUI this next month & if that doesn't work, they will do 2 more rounds of IUI. I am so thankful for this miracle from my Heavenly Father & for all the comfort & peace He has given me through this process.
I also feel so blessed for so many friends & family that love & pray & care for us. Brooke was so nice to take me to the doctor to be there almost the whole day & to help me not feel as nervous & scared. Then Brittany came over Friday night & brought homeade chicken noodle soup & the cutest basket full of my favorite things! Then my mom came and kept me company on Saturday & made me lunch & dinner. I also had so many nice texts & phone calls from other family members & friends. I am so thankful for all of these blessings.