A week ago I had my surgery. Luckily, the week before the surgery was busy & I didn't have much time to worry. I did get in a huge cleaning frenzy the night before though & made Nate help me with cleaning the entire house. I vacuumed the whole house, steam cleaned all the tile, washed all of the laundry & sheets, cleaned the kitchen, & had Nate clean the bathrooms & showers. I love being in a clean house & knew that if I was going to be home all week I wanted everything to be super clean. We went to bed Wednesday night & then got up early Thursday to get ready & drive down to the hospital. We were supposed to get there at 9:00 am which was perfect because I just wanted to get everything done with & not have to worry about anything.
We got to the hospital & checked in. Then I was quickly taken into a room to get ready for the surgery. There were 4 different nurses in the room & they were all so nice & friendly. They had me do a urine sample to take a pregnancy test- negative of course, change into a gown & socks, take my wedding ring off (one of the nurses helped me because I could not get it off!), put these sticky pads on my tailbone & feet, & then as one nurse was asking me questions, another nurse did the IV. That was what I was most nervous for, but it was actually not too bad because the other nurse was asking me questions & so many things were going on that it was easy to not focus on the IV.
Then Nate was allowed to come back so he sat by me & we watched Fixer Upper & he tried to make me not nervous by rolling all around the room on a chair & making me laugh. I am so thankful to always have him by my side. The nurses had said it might be up to 2 hours before I went in for the surgery because Dr. Magrina was working on another surgery. Right after they said that though, Dr. Magrina & another doctor came in & he said he had just finished. He asked us if we had any questions & we asked him a few questions that we had written down. He is such a nice doctor & answered all of our questions & made us laugh. He introduced the other doctor with him, Dr. Wasson, who would be helping with the surgery as well & would do our follow up. Then the anesthesiologist came in & talked to us a little & then a PA came in & talked to us.
Then they asked if I would like something to make me relax for before the surgery. I said yes so quickly!!! They gave me something to relax, then I said bye to Nate, & then they wheeled my down the hall. It felt kind of surreal being pushed down a hospital lying on a bed, going into surgery. Then I was in the room & there were these huge, odd shaped lights up on the ceiling & lots of people. They helped switch me onto the bed & halfway through that is all I remember. I don't remember being on the bed all the way, so I must have just fell asleep even before getting the anesthesia. I guess I respond very quickly to relaxant medicine, haha!!
The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room & having a nurse bring me shortbread cookies & water. She told me they would get my husband & then 15 minutes later Nate was there (he had given blood while he was waiting & then went to get my medicine from the hospital pharmacy). We we were joking before that he could just spend the whole day at the hospital because they had all these signs for yoga, martial arts, & other classes that he kept saying he would need to go to. I rested for about an hour & then got dressed & then someone pushed me in a wheelchair down to the car.
I felt a little out of it, but pretty good & Nate was starving, so we wend to Midici to get pizza & I had a little salad. Then we headed home! I am so thankful for all of the wonderful staff at the Mayo Clinic, they were amazing & I felt like the care there was great! Dr. Magrina had come out to talk to Nate & told him that the surgery went very well. They were able to remove the septum completely & also checked out my uterus, cervix, & fallopian tubes (which were not blocked from the outside). They said that they think that we should be able to get pregnant without fertility treatments which would be soooo amazing!
We are hoping & praying that that is true! It would be my dream to be pregnant at Christmas. I remember the past 3 Christmas' wishing that so badly. Or thinking how wonderful it would be to have a baby by the next Christmas. I remember driving home from an appointment with my fertility doctor, getting ready for an IUI & hearing the song, Noel, as I was driving home. I had thought that was such a pretty name & thought, what if it's a sign that we will get pregnant this IUI & be pregnant by Christmas. Sadly, the IUI was unsuccessful & we were so sad & disappointed. 3 1/2 years later & I have still never been pregnant but I am hoping for a Christmas miracle this year! I will never give up hope!
Two days before my surgery I went in for a pre-op appointment & ultrasound. My mom came with me so that I wouldn't have to wait alone & it was nice to have her there with me. I originally thought I was just there for 2 appointments, but realized I actually had 4 back to back appointments (I hadn't realized there was a 2nd page to my schedule). I really like the Mayo Clinic, they are so organized & everything is run very efficiently.
My first appointment was a regular ultrasound & then a vaginal ultrasound, both to see if my left ovary was twisted or if it looked normal. If it showed it was twisted, I would need to also have a laparoscopic surgery to untwist & secure that ovary. I was praying so badly that I would not need a 2nd surgery. I had been told to drink 6 cups of water & not go to the bathroom, so I was pretty much dying when I got in there. The ultrasound tech was pushing on my stomach for the first ultrasound for a veeeerry long time & then finally she said I could go to the bathroom before the 2nd ultrasound. Best feeling ever!!! I came back in for the 2nd ultrasound & then asked the tech if it looked ok. She said that our doctor would need to let us know but that she wouldn't worry if she was me. That was such a relief to me & an answer to a prayer. We got an email from our doctor the next day saying that my ovary looked good.
After the ultrasounds, my next appointment said lab work. I hate needles & getting my blood drawn but Nate (that morning) & my mom had both assured me that they were sure I wouldn't have to get my blood taken. As a nurse got me for that appointment, she took me straight to a room with all of the blood drawing equipment... ugh!!! It was probably better I didn't expect it though so that I didn't get all stressed about it beforehand. I told the nurse I was so scared of needles & she seemed nervous. I tried to make conversation & ask how long she had worked there & she said a month & that she had done her training there. I felt bad, but I hate needles so much & I did not want a new nurse drawing my blood but I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I didn't say anything. After 2 tries & trying to pump my arm, she went to get someone else, who got a smaller needle & did the job right away on my other arm. I was so glad to be out of there!
Next I had an appointment to sign paperwork. Then an appointment with a PA to go over the surgery & what I should expect after. After all of the appointments, my mom treated me to pizza & salad & I treated here to a nutella calzone. I am so glad that the ultrasound went well & that I will just need one surgery instead of 2. I really hope that everything goes well!!!
2 weeks ago I had an ultrasound & MRI to get prepared for my surgery. The ultrasound was to check if I have 2 kidneys because 1 out of 4 people who have vaginal septum only have 1 kidney for some reason. Of course you can survive with one kidney but they just have to be extra careful with the surgery if you only have 1. The ultrasound went good & they found that I do have 2 kidneys, yay! I told the ultrasound tech, this is the first time I've had a test done & everything looked normal! Little did I know how the MRI would go!
I waited in the waiting room for another hour & then it was time for my MRI. The MRI was not a good experience. Because of the ultrasound & MRI, I was told not to eat after 8am and not to drink anything after 12. It was 6:30 when they started getting me prepped for the MRI. They gave me a shot in the muscle in one arm & an IV that stayed in in the other arm. I hate needles & especially IV's more than anything & did not know that they would be doing those, so I was feeling so stressed. I was also all alone & wishing so bad that Nate or someone was there with me. Then, they put me in the MRI & said it would take about 30 minutes. They said they had music they could play, but it wasn't working so it was just me in the noisy machine. After about 30 minutes, they pulled me out and said that something wasn't working quite right & told me to just breathe lightly & not move my chest when I was breathing. They said normally they would have me hold my breath for a minute 6 times, but it wasn't quite working so I just needed to be very still the whole time. Then they put me back in. After that, I started feeling so stressed and claustrophobic & I just felt so horrible. I was trying to breathe lightly but then I felt like I wasn't getting enough air & then I would feel panicked & like I couldn't breathe more because then I might have to come back a different day for another MRI. It was like that for another hour and then they finally pulled me out & had me change & leave. By this time it was 9:30. I hadn't eaten in 13 1/2 hours & was starving. I drove straight to Chipotle, ate an entire burrito & then didn't feel very good. Then I had the drive home, it started pouring rain & I could barely see on the freeway, I got off on the wrong freeway & got all turned around. I finally made it home but I felt so sick & just completely exhausted.
The next day the hospital called & asked if I was feeling ok. I said I was & then they told me that on the MRI it looked like I could have ovary torsion (a twisted ovary) but since I was feeling fine it must be ok. They said if I felt very intense pain all of the sudden, to call them right away or go to the emergency room if it was after hours. We were going to San Diego that day for the weekend so I was so stressed that it would twist all the way while we were driving but luckily nothing happened!!!
Last weekend I used a spa giftcard from my sweet mother-in-law & spent the day at my favorite spa, the Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa. I got there early so I could relax by the pool & read a little. It was so nice sipping a mint chocolate chip frappaccino while reading & dipping in & out of the water. Then I used the saunna, steam room, & hottub before going into the relaxation room. Then it was time for my massage & it was one of the best massages ever. Afterwards, I just stayed at the spa another hour to relax some more & then headed home. It was the perfect peaceful day I needed to be able to relax & not stress about doctor's appointments/not being able to be pregnant/surgery.
Nate & I went to the Mayo Clinic for the first time to meet the surgeon who our doctor recommended, Dr. Magrina. I had been feeling nervous, I am always nervous before appointments because it always seems that when something can or shouldn't go wrong, it does. I almost always seem to have the exception to what is normal (in a bad way). Dr. Magrina is French & a smaller, older man. He immediately made Nate & I feel comfortable & was joking around & making us laugh.
He was so kind & let us ask all the questions we wanted. I always bring a little notebook with questions so I don't forget to ask anything. After answering our questions, he told us, "ask me more" & was just so friendly. I had thought it was just an appointment to meet with him, but he needed to do an exam to make sure that I did have a septum, so I got undressed from the waist down & used a camera with a microscope to broadcast my body up on a screen... haha a little awkward. I couldn't look at the screen because I get so queasy & it is also uncomfortable with all the tools used, so I felt like I would throw up or faint if I was watching. Nate really should be a doctor though because he is so interested in anything medical & never gets grossed out.
Dr. Magrina found that I do definitely have a septum that is blocking my uterus except for a very tiny hole. The only option to remove it is surgery. He told us we would need to get an MRI and ultrasounds done & then we could get the surgery scheduled after that. We got an appointment set for the MRI & ultrasound & then set up a follow up appointment after that. Since finding out that I had a septum, we have really just wanted to get things taken care of as quick as possible in hopes that we can get pregnant. Nate & I just felt like it was an answer to our prayers that we both felt so good about doing the surgery & having Dr. Magrina as our surgeon.
After the appointment we had dinner at an awesome pizza place, Midici. It was decorated so cute & the pizza tasted almost as good as pizza in Italy! It was fun to have an afternoon date together since we usually don't get to see each other until nighttime.
Lying on the floor crying
Trying to hide the pain
Acting like everything is normal
Infertility is also
This summer break was relaxing & fun & the highlights were a girls surf trip to San Diego, a summer regional trip to Sedona with my honey, & a family reunion in Rocky Point with all of my family. I feel so blessed that we were able to have such a fun summer. In between the fun & good there was also sad, discouraging, & disappointing, but without the bad, we wouldn't see the good. My sweet grandpa passed away this summer, which was hard. This past year and a half both of my grandpa's, my sweet aunt, & Nate's grandma & grandpa passed away. So sad, but we are thankful to know they are in a better place.
In between the fun trips, I had some doctor's appointments & was nervous but excited to get started on my first round of IVF. We have been saving for the past 3 years for this & were so anxious knowing we would have a higher chance of getting pregnant. Well, before we got started on the meds, my doctor wanted to do a special type of ultrasound to make sure my uterus was a normal shape. I was feeling pretty nervous about the test because Nate couldn't come with me & they had told me it involved a balloon type thing & water shooting up there & it just sounded awkward.. Welcome to the world of infertility though, haha! Anyways, my mom ended up coming with me, which was nice & we got lunch beforehand & went shopping. When they started the test everything seemed fine & the doctor was talking to me & asking me questions. Then he got silent & started asking the nurse for different tools & I could just tell that something was wrong. I was so scared & also the test was uncomfortable & took a long time & then finally the doctor told me that something wasn't quite right & to get dressed & meet him in the consult room. I got dressed quickly & went in the room & he told me that he thought I might have a vaginal septum that was blocking my uterus almost completely except for a tiny hole. He asked if I felt uncomfortable using a tampon (which I do but I just thought it was normal) & if I have very painful periods (which I do). He told me to set up an appointment that week to do another test with a camera (a hysteroscopy) to make sure that was what I had.
I came back a few days later, had another very uncomfortable & long test & they were able to take pictures & videos to determine that I did indeed have vaginal septum. So then, instead of starting IVF, I had to cancel everything & we are now waiting to have our doctor contact a surgeon & set up the surgery. It is all very stressful. One thing that has been so hard is that every single test that has been done, they say that they are just checking for something which I probably don't have & then I do end up having whatever that is. This is just another one of those cases. I guess this condition is so extremely rare, which does not make me feel better. I just wish I could have a normal body that could get pregnant. I hear mom's complaining about their children, & complaining about how they get pregnant so easily & it just breaks my heart. I know that one day this trial will be over & I will look back on it & see the things I learned but at this time it is just so hard.
I am thankful for what I have though. Nate & I have such a strong marriage & he has always been there for me. I am thankful for my belief in God & that has gotten me through this! This surgery could be a good thing in the long run, it's possible that they could remove the septum & then I could get pregnant naturally now & from then on, which would be the most amazing thing every. I'm thankful that they were able to discover this issue before we started IVF & at this time rather than years later.
Anyways, that't my update. Hopefully the surgery will be scheduled soon & will go well!
This video touched me today. To me it shows that we are all so beautiful & talented but sometimes feel alone or unrecognized by others, but God always sees the beauty & potential in us. His is the opinion that matters & we are always loved by Him & are never truly alone.
As expected, I took a pregnancy test & it only took 10 seconds for the test to register I was not pregnant. I crawled back into bed & into my husband's arms. He has been my rock through this. I am thankful to know that he is always there for me & that I can talk to him about anything. We weren't too disappointed since we haven't let ourselves get our hopes up after the IUI's. A part of me just feels sad & worn out, & on the verge of being sick today. Sunday night we had my family over for dinner & we making grilled chicken & mashed potatoes. I was making the rub for the chicken & the smell of the spices was making me so queasy. Then when N was making the mashed potatoes & adding garlic powder I was feeling queasy again & had to lie down. A tiny part of me was wondering if I was pregnant & that is why I was queasy, but alas I am still feeling queasy & am not pregnant & am probably just on the verge of the flu or something...